I am happy. I have stopped in at the office for my check, and now I am going to the bank. I will be heading home after that, and ahead of me lies the weekend with promises of family time and christmas cheer. I turn on the radio, to my favorite classical station. Immediately, I know something is wrong.
The news guy is on, his voice sounding tight and worried for a smooth-talking news guy. The story is slow in coming, even with updates like, every minute, it seems. There's been a school shooting. Oh NO, I think, not AGAIN...
Crazy numbers swirl around. Eighteen, twenty people killed. Horrors, I think. Then I hear it, the fact that most of the victims (such an impersonal word) were kids. children. Six. Seven-year olds. NO. nonononono. Nooooooooooo. Tears fill my eyes and I blink furiously, willing the road to clear of the deluge it's momentarily engulfed in. I exit the highway, wondering why the flags aren't lowered at the township building. I turn off the president's voice, I can not listen any longer. No.
I want to tell everyone, ask the tellers at the bank, have you heard? there's been kids killed today. I go home and turn on my mp3, and listen to every dirge and requiem and song of lament that I can find, and I sing them to heaven. Later, I read their names, and think of their families. I am sad.
At the supper table I look at my complete family around the table, and I am so grateful for this moment. Right now, with them. Right here, I am happy.
But still, somewhere, I am sad.
yes.
ReplyDelete"somewhere I am still sad." - I will remember that. you managed to write my thoughts with more poeticness than I would have been able to. thank-you.
(I think of the book of revelations when an angel flies throughout heaven wailing and proclaiming this message)
"The fall, the fall, oh God the fall of man
The fruit is found in every eye and every hand
Nothing there is nothing yet in truest form
We walk like ghosts upon the earth, the ground in groans"
-gungor
and flowers...they are what music looks like...Oh God...
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